That’s just me
I was laying on the floor. Literally staring at the ceiling. Enjoying the sadness of the moment. The loneliness. I think a tear rolled down my face. My head was blank. Empty. I had too much guilts for such a young age. I don’t want a fancy life, I just want peace, inner peace. I wanna look in the mirror and be satisfied with the girl staring back at me. I thought of him, but decided to keep him out of my mind and just enjoy this moment. This moment when I’m completely and utterly alone. People don’t wanna be alone, maybe because they’re scared of what they might find within themselves. I found empty spaces and I found that I wanted to fulfill them with the first available option, only leaving those space emptier. I found that I hated, truly hated being alone. But I was enjoying this moment. I closed my eyes and I think a tear fell down my face again. It was a tear that summarized everything I was feeling right that instant. I felt guilt, remorse, love, hatred, sadness, happiness. It was a combination of so many feelings that I could never describe with words. I wanted to lay my head on his shoulder, I wanted someone to just tell me that things will be okay. That everything will fall into place. I was literally staring at the ceiling, it was so blank yet so dark. And suddenly it dawned on me, this is who I am. I’m a pretty lost girl who stares at the ceiling for no reason and is just trying to find her place in this world. Maybe I’ve just been looking in all the wrong places, maybe I should not look anymore and believe in fate a little more. So I enjoyed that moment, just being with myself. Instead of taking projects with guys, I’m gonna be my own project. I just wanna be alone, I don’t want false company, I don’t want to feel lonely around somebody, I just wanna be with me for a while. I wanna get to know me a little more, I wanna lie here in the floor with no one else around. Poetry lies in sadness, art lies in simple moments like this one. Nothing fancy, nothing out of this world. Just me, here, because over this blank empty ceiling is a starry night.
