Delilah's Memoirs

It was over, right then and there. I didn’t get a goodbye. Most of us never do, anyway. Consider yourself lucky if u had one, if u had the chance to say everything you could for one last time, to say goodbye, not just leave feeling empty and silent. Most goodbyes in real life are unsaid, most goodbyes consist of a person leaving and never coming back. As I turned on my car and left I decided I wasn’t gonna look back this time. He was standing outside, maybe he was looking at me as I left, maybe he was expecting for me to look back and smile like I always do, but I didn’t, I wanted to but I didn’t, I left. That was my goodbye. I didn’t leave any pieces of myself like I always used to. I used to leave clothes, notebooks, plates, anything to have something to go back to. To know that for some silly reason I had to go back there, it made me feel like it wasn’t over, it made me feel safe. But I picked up everything this time, he even helped me wipe his house clean of me. Now, I have no reason to go back, nothing linking me to him, just a big empty silent space, he has nothing I could ever need to go back to. And I realized maybe I’ve been going back all those times to pick up pieces of my my own self, of my own heart, but as many things I left there, I never took any of his, I left pieces of me there all the time, but I never took pieces of him,  I left my heart there, but I never left with his heart. So I guess a goodbye wasn’t even appropriate after all.